Leaving on a Jetplane

I'm going to be away for a few days on a business trip to New York. I'm excited (a little) but I always worry. Every trip when I leave, especially when I'm without my partner, I worry. Then again, that is in my nature.

If you've read my posts though, you know this. I concern myself with tomorrow and the next day and the next day. There are times when I feel like I haven't done enough with my life or made the impact I wanted to make. That was part of doing this blog. Maybe I thought someone, somewhere, someday may read it and think "Damn, I never thought about that. I never realized what gay people deal with on a day-to-day basis."

I leave the house and I wonder if I will make it home. Today I leave and wonder if I will see my partner again. I don't think that makes me any different than any straight person. After terrorist bombings in London, you can't help but worry a little.

Does it make me any different from a straight person though to worry about my partner being left to deal with being kicked out of our house, being unable to have access to our finances, being unable to take care of my burial arrangements or have my remains, being unable to have the new SUV we just bought JUST because we don't have a little piece of paper saying we're married???

It's so stupid that our world is like this. That we turn everything relevant on a piece of paper. We've been committed for 10 years. Does that mean nothing? To all of those handling the "paperwork," yes, it does mean nothing. If I'm gone tomorrow, "we" don't exist to anyone but in our memories.

That's sad really.

I want to marry my partner. Not for all of those privileges that the straight world thinks nothing of with their piece of paper. Not to force myself through a church door and demand my rights. Not to have some silly, overdone, hooky, frilly dress and ceremony.

I want to marry her because I LOVE HER. I don't care if another living soul is present to give their blessing. I don't care if it is in a church or a clerk's office. I don't even care if we're wearing jeans and T-shirts.

I LOVE HER and I just want her to know it with every fiber of my being. That I would go to the ends of the earth to prove that love. Nothing, no one can come between us.