Red State Exile

A Proposition

2007-04-21T19:50:00.000-07:00

To solve the great debate over marriage rights for gay people, I have a proposition.

There has been much discussion about marriage being a religious sacrament. For those raised in the Catholic faith, like my partner, that rings true. However, not everyone, whether heterosexual or homosexual, views marriage this way.

My proposition is that to allow marriage to continue to be viewed as a religious sacrament; however, that requires that any couple united by a church officiant is considered married by law. Note that MANY faiths are beginning to recognize, acknowledge, and provide the sacrament of marriage to gay couples. Therefore, these gay couples would be legally recognized as married.

For those who don't want to be united by the church, these couples, both heterosexual and homosexual, would have basically what we would call a civil marriage or civil union (to appease all palates). However, whether it is called a civil union or marriage is purely a technicality and a reference to the environment in which the union was performed, because both would carry the same benefits.

Is this a reasonable solution? What are your thoughts?

Bitching about Progress

2007-04-21T19:38:00.000-07:00

In New Hampshire, Washington, Oregon, and many other states, positive strides have been made in either passing nondiscrimination policies and/or civil union/domestic partnership legislation.

Some people crap on the idea of CUs or DPs because it's only half a loaf. I agree. We are not nearly done with this fight. Marriage is the ultimate goal for many of us (though I will agree not all of us). In fact, some GLBT folks would be more than happy to only have CUs or DPs because they don't want to be "like the hets." We know we are different and have accepted our difference. On the other hand, some of us want the benefits of commitment and fidelity. I've been with my partner for 11 1/2 years, we own a home together, share our finances, I've changed my name, and now we're having a child together. The commitment should count for something on the legal and civil field.

In Tennessee, it doesn't. Plain and simple.

Some GLBT folks think that we should tell society to shove their half loaf up their ass. Some of us are grateful for those crumbs...temporarily.

I will venture to say that when you have nothing, literally an environment where you may be acknowledged as existing but where you can also be legally denied recognition, something is better than nothing. I'd take that something over nothing right now. I think it's the fact that I have a child on the way that drives my attitude. It's bullshit to even have to worry about the possibility of being denied access to the delivery room when my partner goes into labor. A man never has to consider this when his wife goes into labor. Why should I?

The Little Things that Bigotry Affects

2007-04-16T14:05:00.000-07:00

I had a hard time getting started on this post. My mind couldn’t wrap itself around how the TN anti-gay marriage amendment weaseled itself into the most mundane aspects of our life.

Back when I first posted on the effects of an amendment within the state, I focused on the obvious problems such as being denied access to or the right to make medical decisions for a partner. Little did I consider at the time, that we wouldn’t even be able to participate in a “vow renewal ceremony” at the Tennessee Renaissance Festival.

There are two issues that bother me immensely with this, aside from the obvious discrimination. One is it’s a vow RENEWAL ceremony for those who are already married. In other words, it’s not legally binding ANYWAY. There will be no marriage certificates signed or issued at this ceremony. Second, the TRF site merely states that the ceremony is for “legally married couples” (at least as of this writing unless they change their website). However, TRF doesn’t clarify that it is a heterosexual only event. Gay couples can be legally married just not in all states.

Here is what TRF site says:

May 12 - 13:Romance WeekendIn the spirit of Romeo & Juliet, love is in
the air, along with many a love ballad. Saturday will feature a vow renewal
ceremony in which legally married couples may register to participate. On Saturday, Mix 92.9 FM will be broadcasting live from 10:00am - Noon. Our Romance Weekend is sponsored by Nashville Scene.

I emailed TRF to inquire about registering for the ceremony. Below is my email:

Regarding "Romance Weekend," how can a couple register for this? My
partner and I were married in Canada and would love to renew our vows.

TRF’s response:

Our vow renewal ceremony is a group ceremony performed by one of our vendors,
who is an ordained minister. Participants in the ceremony must be legally
married under the state laws of Tennessee. We encourage participants to come in costume. If you are interested, when you arrive on May 12, check in and register at the information/souvenir booth as you walk in.

TnRen Staff
Tennessee Renaissance Festival
2124 New Castle Rd.
Arringtion-Triune, TN
37014
615/395-9950
www.tnrenfest.com
fptrf-office1@hughes.net

For all the yahooing by the fundamentalists that the amendment wouldn’t hurt us, wouldn’t change anything, but would only reinforce one way over another, this proves that these amendments are insidious.

As an educator and one who has studied history, the Renaissance Festival was always one that I enjoyed attending. Now that my partner and I are having a child, it was something educational I hoped to share with our child. How many other programs and events will we be shut out of because of this amendment?

My first instinct is to protest. It would be wonderful to show up with a crew of other GLBT couples and their kids and have our own ceremony. The other part of me doesn’t want to support this with one of my hard earned red pennies.

What can we do when even the most inane events turn political and personal? What will we do to stop this insanity?

Marriage Wasn't Enough, part 2

2006-11-15T20:00:00.000-08:00

Update to post below.

I JUST HAD to add these two comments from our newspaper online:

What is the difference between homosexuality, beastality, adultery, and any other sex offender ? Well homosexuality and adultery are pretty much accepted. The others are not. Are big employers gonna offer insurance to animals?

The homo fear factor wouldn't be complete without a reference to bestiality.

But this one made me think of a new idea:

I know people who use the ruse of same sex domestic partners to insure their roommates and their roommate’s kids on their insurance. I am sure it is more widespread than we would like to think.

Marriage rights for gay couples would put an end to this. There wouldn't even be a need for DP benefits if we were allowed to marry. Oh well, they voted for it, live with the consequences.

Marriage Wasn't Enough

2006-11-15T17:42:00.000-08:00

Last night, I went to a great meeting for the Tennesse Equality Project (TEP) to brainstorm ideas, post-election, to deal with next steps. It has been said many times that gay rights opponents will not be satisfied with simply keeping us from marrying. One of the board members of TEP was very clear in warning us that we have many more battles ahead in this war. Legislation has been brought up before and it will be coming up again to try to take away our right to adopt or simply visit our children in the event of a divorce.

There have also been instances in other states where companies have been attacked for offering domestic partner benefits, especially after these amendments have passed.

I have a feeling Tennessee won't be avoiding this.

An article in The Tennessean today highlighted the growth of large, national companies with a presence in Tennessee offering DP benefits. It's a great article!

However, what's interesting and downright scary are the comments! I never knew that company benefits were somehow connected to God, but apparently in TN, they should be.

Here are a few of the comments:

The chest-thumping "I have spoken!" commenter:

Let's face it, the people of Tennesse spoke very loudly last week. We don't care what you do with your partner in your house. But the majority feels that this lifestyle is not for the benefit of this state.

Hmmm, the standard "we'll have to pay for you to take care of each other" argument. Yeah, makes perfect sense to me!

It is a right, if corporate america wants to offer benefits to domestic partners, that in no way affects me. Now it does become an issue if the government does. That effects me and everyone else that pays taxes. And like the marriage admendment, should be the choice of the people.

This one cuts to the chase.

Please go back in the closet.

Love how there's always one who knows many, many gay people and that he knows several that have over 800 partners a year (guess he's counting and keeping track). Ironically, someone else comes along later to do the math, which is 2.19 partners a day-little time for work or heck even sleep!

Not to mention we should not support immorality in our society, it is not fair for the rest of us to support those people who live their lives recklessly. There is a reason God has placed rules on his people. Not to judge anyone (God’s job), we are called to live a moral life. ()

When I suggested that the TN economy would plummet if all the gay's up and left, this is the response I got:

I'm willing to risk it. Have a nice trip.

Then they have to make the comparison of our long-term, committed relationships to a whole host of harmful actions. I'm surprised they didn't throw in murder while they were at it.

The science of the matter is that homosexuality is a behavior, just like alcoholism or beating your wife (oh, partner, sorry!) is a behavior. You have a choice to act one way or the other.

And, of course, the grand finale:

To all you people being fooled by Satan into thinking homosexuality is not a choice see Leviticus 18:22: "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination." This passage is God's answer to homosexuality. You are in my prayers. As Christians we dislike the sin, not the sinner.

Ah, yes, tell me something I didn't already know or have had hurled at me a thousand times in my lifetime. Being original is not their forte!

Oh Yes, Tennesseans ARE Stupid!

2006-11-13T17:35:00.000-08:00

This was posted to our local paper's online comments section (bold is the commenter; italics is my response):

As to the sinister implications of “same sex marriage” here are a few. Our society would experience the loss of religious freedom. This has happened in Canada where Biblical preaching against sodomy is interpreted as hate speech.

and you should care about this why? laws were passed allowing blacks and whites to marry but it hasn't stopped my home church from preaching against it (among other things) and refusing to marry interracial couples.

The public schools will teach homosexuality because it will be the law of the land. Moral instruction on sexual matters may become obsolete and even forbidden.

proof??? schools can't even teach safe sex what makes you think they'll be teaching gay sex. btw, gay sex is not performed any differently than straight sex, only the genders are the same. i know, too much for your mind to handle.

Adoption laws will collapse with regard to the make up of the family and any party will be able to adopt children.

and being able to get kids out of orphanages and revolving foster care is a bad thing? gee, i thought you guys cared about the kids.

Children will be expected to develop emotionally without the permanence of family life.

what's more permanent than marriage? first we're condemned for being promiscuous and then those that want permanence with their soulmates through marriage are told they can't possibly be permanent. who are you to say? how many kids are already expected to develop emotionally without the permanence of family life? you know, divorce? and how many kids are shifted from one parent to the other, from grandparents to aunts/uncles to cousins twice removed? want kids in permanent environments? work on your own first, eh?

Traditional marriage will begin to disappear like it has in Scandinavia where cohabitation is the norm.

show proof, please. The fact is that Scandinavia doesn't have "gay marriage," per se, but "registered partnerships" open to only same-sex couples that give MOST of the rights of marriage but by a different name. For instance, a same-sex couple can adopt each other's children but not children outside of the relationship. So, again, this is a bad thing? What has been seen as the "fall" of traditional marriages is really the rise of same-sex couples entering into "registered partnerships." Not to mention the fact that Scandinavian countries have the lowest poverty rates and highest education rates which basically take away the need for forced marriage of heterosexual couples. They're doing it (marriage) because they love each other, not because the HAVE to.

Oh, here's my source(s):
ILGA
and
Freedom to Marry

Immorality will become impossible to avoid in public.

and we can avoid it now?

The health care industry could be destroyed.

how? so apparently having gay couples being able to care for each other "in sickness and in health" will destroy health care? that doesn't make any sense.

And for those of us who believe in the Bible where sodomy is a symbol of social destruction it could get even worse. That was why we voted for the amendment.

and that's YOUR beliefs, not everyone's. p.s. not only gay people perform sodomy. your bible also says that the races should be separated and that it's okay to have slaves, that women shouldn't cut their hair, and that it's wrong to eat shellfish, that your supposed to keep 300 concubines and sleep with your daughter. sounds like you guys have the corner on perversion and bizarre ritual!

Feel Safer?

2006-11-07T18:07:00.000-08:00

Only 5% of the precincts are reporting, but as of 8pm:

TN Constitution Amendment #1
Precincts Reporting = 5.3%

Yes 297,928 83.7%
No 58,142 16.3%

I wonder, does my neighbor feel sufficiently safe now? Am I no longer dangerous to his marriage? Does he have so little trust in himself and/or his wife that he has to keep my life in check?

With numbers like this though, I can't help but wonder how many people I know voted against me. That's the truly disturbing part.

UPDATE:
as of 11:00pm

Statewide results
Governor
Phil Bredesen (D) 1,107,680 68.5%
Jim Bryson (R) 484,476 29.9%
*Bryson has conceded

Senator
Bob Corker (R) 832,403 51.2%
Harold Ford Jr. (D) 773,542 47.6%

The Let's Fu*k Queers Over Amendment
Yes 1,264,704 80.7%
No 301,695 19.3%

Davidson County results on the amendment:
Yes 75,083 73.4%
No 27,248 26.6%

I comfort myself with the little piece of news that my east Nashville neighborhood we strong Vote No supporters.

Yet, it is sad to know that the rights of me and my family has been decided by only 27.4% of registered voters.

Another little thing that is kind of flipping me out here. One precinct is reporting these results:
Pearl Cohn School 18,168-Yes 0-No out of only 1,182 registered voters.

Hmmmm, what's wrong with this picture?

Almost Over

2006-11-07T13:59:00.000-08:00

Thank God this damn mid-term election cycle is almost over! I have a severe love-hate relationship with politics. I'll be honest though, if my personal relationship with my partner wasn't at stake, I probably wouldn't give two hoots as to what is going on. I'd numbly go to the voting booth and vote a straight Dem ticket and be done with it, but NOOO I have to have my personal life up for a vote so now it's all very personal to me. Imagine that! Now I know that I had no options for a gay-friendly Dem candidate in TN and I also know that several of my neighbors think I'm less of a human being than them. Nice...

This frustration and angst is manifesting itself now in my DREAMS! Thank goodness this only happened last night. If I had been going through these kind of dreams for weeks, I would have run from this state screaming by now.

I remember this of the dream:
I open my front door, not expecting anything unusual, to see my neighbor and a black friend of his (surprise, he looks kind of like Harold Ford! NOT!) in my front yard, kicking and stomping my Vote No on 1 sign. They're laughing and cackling as they do this.

I lose it. I start screaming every obsenity in the book: "get your sorry f***in' ass off my property!" and "I'm gonna kick your motherf***in' ass!" I grab my weedeater that is sitting on my front porch (odd because I never keep it there, but I guess I needed a weapon in my dream) and gripping it at the skinny end, motor out, I start swinging at the little shits for all I'm worth.

You know how sometimes you don't feel strong in your dreams, like when you try to punch someone and it seems like you're barely moving. I didn't feel that AT ALL in this dream. I was a machine of pure, unadulterated vicious anger, and I was going for blood.

I don't remember making contact, but I do remember seeing them fleeing for their sorry lives with their tails between their legs. It felt damn good, and by God, if anyone ever does something like that, I think I just might lose it.

Like I said, I'll be glad when this is over. Then we'll just get ready for round 2 when the fundies start going after our adoption rights and hospital visitation rights. Think it's over? Think again. This is only one battle in the war.

Tax Exempt?

2006-11-06T15:27:00.000-08:00

I thought churches were supposed to worship God, not politics. Guess I was wrong...

Tricked on Halloween

2006-11-02T09:04:00.000-08:00

Halloween, a Pagan holiday, is being taken over by "christians."

I've always loved Halloween. It's a great time of year with parties, fun, and lots of candy. My partner and I had some kickass Halloween parties back when we had all of our friends in one city. It marks the change in the seasons and I've always LOVED fall (spring I hate, it just means summer is coming and we'll be sweating like freakin' pigs for 4-5 months). But fall and Halloween mean the start of the holiday season (and cooler weather!).

But Halloween is being hijacked by so-called christians. Some of them are handing out candy with Bible quotes attached to them. And they want to claim that gay folks recruit kids? What the hell are they doing? They'll also come knocking on YOUR door, on your private property, and start preaching to you. That happened to me on Halloween this year. I opened the door to what I thought were your average trick or treaters. I should have known something was up when I saw they didn't have any candy in their bags. They were just teenagers being driven around by their parents, but they handed me a "Way to Salvation through Jesus Christ" pamphlet. You know, those corny looking tri-fold things that look like something from the 50s (guess it's appropriate to their mentality).

I don't remember exactly what they said when they handed it to me, but it was something like "we want to let you know that the way to salvation is only through Jesus Christ." It was the last thing I was expected and I just looked at them dumbfounded and said, "Ummm, okay." I wish I had snatched the candy back from them or something but I was speechless at the gall and arrogance of them.

What makes them assume I'm NOT saved? Was it the Vote No sign in my front yard that made them assume since I'm gay or at least gay-friendly that I MUST NEED SAVING? Certainly someone who is gay or a gay ally can't also be a Christian. They're lucky I am a Christian; otherwise, I would have snatched a kink in their nappy little punk asses and drug them back to their daddy's pickup truck by the short hairs.

How dare they be so presumptuous and arrogant as to come on my private property and try to preach to me!

Vote No on Harold Ford

2006-11-02T08:56:00.000-08:00

It seems I’ve been saying “no” a lot lately. Ever since Daddy Dobson showed up with his Vote Yes on Amendment 1 thugs, I’ve been in a contrary and irritable mood. I have three neighbors, in my typically tolerant and diverse neighborhood, who have Vote Yes signs up. One right next to me. They are the same couple (well, the wife anyway) who stood outside our house with us when a water main broke, flooding our house and pool, and called and recalled the water department trying to get someone out there to stop it. They’re also the same ones whose kid busted a window and the husband promptly had replaced at his expense. They’ve warned us about a freezing A/C line too. What makes people who are seemingly so nice be so vindictive?

I don’t know the answer to that. Fear, I guess. I want to go up to them on Nov. 8th and ask them if they feel like their marriage is now safe now that I can’t partake in their privilege. What do they think will happen if I marry the person I love? Does the husband fear his wife will see a new possibility and leave him? Are they afraid their son will no longer think it’s a bad thing to love someone? Like a great bumper sticker says: will I be judged for loving or will they be judged for hating?

Anyway, that’s a whole other post. This thread is all about why I say “no” to Ford. On election night, I’ll be covering the Ford/Corker race on Pam’s House Blend. Today, I’m saying “no.” I’ve been saying no on other blogs and it’s not getting a warm reception. I think I’m close to being called a troll or Republican plant. Why? Because I don’t swallow like a good little queer should?

I don’t buy the bullshit that we have to get Democrats, or at least Democrats like Ford, elected to make change. That’s utter horse hockey. Ford has been adamantly against anything to do with gay rights. Someone tell me how this is different from Corker or some other Republican. The argument is that he’ll be one of few that will think this way and that the other, more left leaning, Democrats will out weigh him and the anti-gay others. I beg to differ. Back when we had Clinton, we thought that he’d certainly be amenable to gay rights. We were crazy enough to get on the damn platform on election night and support his sorry ass. What did we get? DOMA and Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. That was done by a supposedly gay-supportive Democrat. We’ll be better with Ford how? I don’t see that happening.

There’s also the argument that we’ll push him back to the left once he’s elected. How? I mean he just got elected, basically rewarded, for being anti-gay. How many people do you know will change a tactic that has worked for them? It worked for him to be as “nasty as he wants to be.” Why would he change horse midstream? We won’t move him back to the left. You don’t get a misbehaving child to behave by rewarding their bad behavior. The kid will always come back using the same tactic to get that same reward again.

Not only are we rewarding Ford, but the DNC who has turned its back on the gay community. They have given buttloads of money to the Ford campaign, and they haven’t disciplined him for being anti-gay. They just keep throwing more money at him. While you have candidates like Angie Piccione in Colorado, who is very pro-gay, going against the author of the Federal Marriage Amendment, Marilyn Musgrave, and Angie barely gets a dime from the DNC. Don’t tell me that just because we are in the South, in the heart of the Bible Belt, that we have to run nasty, anti-gay campaigns to win an office. That’s BULLSHIT! Recently, an open lesbian and Democrat won office in a predominately black neighborhood of Birmingham, AL. She got no support financially or otherwise from her fellow Democrats or the DNC, but she won anyway!

How hard would it have been for Harold Ford to simply say, when he went off about the NJ marriage court ruling, that all Tennessee families deserve to be treated fairly and that we shouldn’t try to make life harder for some families? Making lives better and helping families is a good thing and it is, in fact, one of Ford’s campaign messages. I received a mailing the other day saying that Ford believed in “enable[ing] communities and families to thrive.” How can families thrive when he’s voting for and supporting amendments that DISable us from thriving?

I wrote a letter to Ford (see thread below for full letter) and sent the mailing back asking him this very question. As a black man, he should know and realize that families come in many shapes, sizes, and forms, and not all are related by blood or marriage. The black community is a testament to this fact. What Harold is doing is hurting ALL families. He’s not just blatantly chastising gay families and making our lives harder, but he could very well be making it harder for other families.

Just like another great bumper sticker says: Be careful who you hate, it could be someone you love.

Letter to Harold Ford

2006-11-02T08:52:00.000-08:00

I got a mailing from the Democratic Party and the Ford Campaign the other day. It irked me because he's such a lying little bastard. I sent this letter back to him along with his mailing (maybe I should smear it in some of my dog's shit too because that's what his words are worth...shit):

Mr. Ford,

I received this mailing the other day encouraging me to vote for you. Thanks very much. I appreciate the personal touch.

Something the mailing said though kind of bothered me. It mentioned that you want to “enable communities and families to thrive.” That’s noble and a great thing to stand up for.

Did you consider, sir, that by voting away my ability to marry the person I love that you have DISabled me from being able to help my family thrive? The $2500 my partner and I will have to spend on legal documents just to visit each other in the hospital, which probably won’t even be acknowledged in a court of law after Nov. 7th, could have been used for so much more. The additional legal costs to defend these documents in court can’t even be calculated. Did you know that a Tennessee man had to spend $300K on lawyer fees just to get property back from his deceased partner’s family? He had all of the legal documents too. I could have given it to your campaign if you’d been more tolerant and supportive of ALL families, or maybe I could have put that money away for a college fund for our kids so they won’t have to rely on federal loans. Would it be wiser and more prudent to allow us to marry so we can provide the insurance and benefits marriage provides or to rely on government programs?

It would have been so easy for you to simply say, when you spoke out against our relationships, that no family should be penalized for simply being a family (that’s not a bad thing, you know), and that we as a state should consider ways, if not marriage then something, to help ALL families thrive.

Sir, do you want ALL families to thrive or just heterosexual families? As a black man, you should realize that families come in all forms and sometimes they’re not always blood or marriage related. What about those families, Mr. Ford?

You’re doing more than obtaining your goal of hurting gay people. You’re hurting entire communities, groups, and even the state of Tennessee. Is that your goal?

I’m a lifelong Democrat, and I didn’t vote for you. I cannot and will not support anyone who doesn’t support my family.

Regards...

No Longer a Liberal!

2006-10-29T06:55:00.000-08:00

I have renounced my liberal label!

Yesterday I voted and it felt DAMN good to give the big ol’ FU to Bredesen, Ford, and Cooper and to stand up for my right to marry the person I love. I’m really fuckin’ pissed off at the people saying they’re just holding their nose and voting anyway for bigots. They're not the ones seeing their personal lives up for a vote and blatantly disregared and "less than." You guys don't know what it feels like to have THREE neighbors within less than a mile from you have "Vote YES" signs in their yard, letting you know without a doubt that someone nearby hates you so much that they'll vote against you protecting your family.

I swear to God the Democratic Party has become so unprincipled, misguided, and well, scared cowards that they’d vote for Satan himself if he just had a “D” behind his name.

What does liberal really mean anyway?

Dictionary.com provides a few ideas:
7. free from prejudice or bigotry; tolerant: a liberal attitude toward foreigners.
8. open-minded or tolerant, esp. free of or not bound by traditional or conventional ideas, values, etc.
9. characterized by generosity and willingness to give in large amounts: a liberal donor.
10. given freely or abundantly; generous: a liberal donation.
11. not strict or rigorous; free; not literal: a liberal interpretation of a rule.
—Synonyms 1. progressive. 7. broad-minded, unprejudiced. 9. beneficent, charitable, openhanded, munificent, unstinting, lavish. See generous. 10. See ample.
Favoring proposals for reform, open to new ideas for progress, and tolerant of the ideas and behavior of others; broad-minded.

The Democratic Party has taken this definition and twisted its meaning. They want so hard to be “back in power” that they have become too tolerant of unliberal beliefs. In their zeal to “tolerate” others, they’ve opened themselves to the prejudiced and bigoted parts of our world. They’re tolerating the wrong people! They’re listening to hateful bigots while turning their back on the very people who have time and again put them into power. I refuse to be a party to this blatant stupidity and unscrupulous moral blindness anymore.

Take the TN race with Harold Ford, for example (not to mention many others from across the country). Numerous “liberals” have told me they will hold their nose and vote for this unrepentant bigot and homophobe, just because he’s a Democrat. They’ve listened to the lies of false prophets saying Ford won’t be nearly as bad as ANY Republican that might get voted in. They’ve opened their minds to falsehoods and they are falling into the snare of the enemy. Sometimes, being too “open-minded” and “too tolerant” of the opposition is a bad thing.

Liberals have gotten the reputation of being “flaky” and “uncertain,” even “wishy-washy,” not by lies but by their own behavior. They’ve not taken a principled and unwavering stand on unrepentant bigotry and homophobia. They’ve tolerated the middle-road, half-loaf, back of the bus but at least on the bus mindset for too long. Their inability to be principled and firm has led to their demise and it will continue to lead to their failure to win elections.

I can’t even count how many “liberals” I’ve told that if they don’t stand firm, they will lose and continue to lose. You don’t win by mimicking the Other. You win by differentiating yourself from the Other.

I’m no longer a liberal. I’m a principled American.

prin‧ci‧pled /prnsəpəld/
–adjective imbued with or having moral principles (often used in combination): high-principled.
Based on, marked by, or manifesting principle: a principled decision; a highly principled person.
based on or manifesting objectively defined standards of rightness or morality; "principled pragmatism and unprincipled expediency"; "a principled person"

Spiritual event wants GodMen, not girly men

2006-10-29T06:36:00.000-08:00

WHY do these things always start in Nashville? Jesus! (no pun intended) I thought I had improved things by moving from Alabama, but the idiots of this world just keep following me.

Testosterone-fueled alternative to Promise Keepers debuts here

At the daylong GodMen event downtown Saturday, men will be able to cuss, smoke cigars, watch videos of football pileups and car crashes, listen to specially composed Christian rock songs such as "Testosterone High" and attend workshops on how to fight pornography addiction.

It's an effort to connect Christian men alienated by traditional church settings or men's groups with their "spiritual masculinity," said Brad Stine, a Christian stand-up comic behind the conference.

"Men are different," Stine said. "They're aggressive. They connect with sports. They jump. They scream. They've got passions that are more difficult to subdue, like lust. And a lot of things that make men energized just don't make it into church.

"A lot of church is feminine. We want to let men know that just for today, being a guy is OK. It's good enough. There's an army that will help you."

WTF?! Since when has being spiritual (notice they didn't say being Christian) about smoking, cussing, and violence??? They say the church has been feminized. That's a bad thing? Ladies, watch out for any man that would succumb to an event like this. Next thing you know, he'll be proving how Godly he is by slapping you back into your rightful place as his breeder and caregiver.

Maybe it's just me but I don't seem to recall Jesus scratching his balls while watching Nascar then slappin' his ho Mary Magdalene when she didn't watch his feet properly.

The New Jersey Marriage Ruling

2006-10-29T06:29:00.000-08:00

The results of the New Jersey marriage ruling left me with a mixed feeling. I wasn’t euphoric over it that’s for sure. Basically, the court said gay couples should be allotted all of the same rights, benefits, and privileges of marriage that heterosexuals have, but they’ve left it up to the legislature to come up with a term for it. The legislature within 180 days will have to decide to include us under the umbrella term “marriage” or create a separate line at the clerk’s office just for the homos.

The good:
•This will now give my partner and I four states to move to (MA, VT, and CT
being the others)
•It does say we should be given the same rights as heterosexuals
•The ruling never brought in the strawman issues of “marriage is for procreation,” “heterosexual marriages are best for children,” or “it’ll lead to men marrying their pet iguana.”

The bad:
•We still get 6 months of torture waiting to see if we will be considered equal citizens or second-class citizens (though without this, we were just NO class citizens)
•This ruling only works on the state level. In NJ there are approximately 65 marriage rights that we’ll be able to participate in. But what about the 1,100 federal rights we don’t get.
•Just don’t leave NJ. With state determined marriage rights, folks need to realize that the rules change from state to state. A couple can get “civil unioned” or “married” (or whatever they’ll call it) in NJ, but drive over to CT, have a wreck, and lose the right to make medical decisions for their spouse. This is the problem with piecemeal rights. Even if they call it marriage, it only applies to the rights of that state.

So many people assume this is automatic equality for us. As someone else said on another blog, this is equity, not equality. It won’t be equality until we are acknowledged by our federal government as legitimate and equal to our heterosexual peers.

That will be a long time coming for sure. The opposition doesn’t want us to be equal to them. Even many heterosexuals, who are nice to our face, hold an innate belief that we are inferior. They want us to go through incredible pains just to acquire what they get with a trip to the clerk’s office and a $20 fee.

Pam’s House Blend grabbed a quote from Victoria Cobb of the Family Foundation out of VA (note: lots of gay Virginians are leaving the state because of the homophobia there):

She said the goal isn't to drive gay people out. She said "extreme homosexual organizations" might be trying to frighten their members by circulating false information about the amendment. She said it wouldn't add new restrictions on gays but would simply underscore the ways their relationships are already restricted.

"I think it's extremely sad they would leave because of something they were never allowed to do anyway," said Cobb, who said she believed gays could go to court to defend themselves if a partner's family members challenged their right to own property in common, arrange powers of attorney or visit each other in the hospital.

Why the hell should we even have to!? WHY?! Someone answer that for me. There’s no other answer but that these hateful people want to make our lives unbearably hard and in turn establish their superiority over another group.

YOU CAN’T AMEND LOVE!

Being hateful won’t make us stop being gay and it won’t keep us from being together and building lives and families together. Since the beginning of time, we have held our relationships together without the benefit and privilege of social acceptance or a piece of .50 cent paper. We’re stronger than any law you can ever come up with. We were here yesterday, we’re here today, and we will continue to be here tomorrow, no matter what you say or do.

Oh The Irony!

2006-10-21T15:21:00.000-07:00

These are two front page images taken from our local paper, The Tennessean, a few days back. What do you think when you see this?

For those who don't know, Sara Evans is a country singer and this story has been talked about ad nauseum in our local paper. She's accused him of adultery and porn addiction. Now, apparently, he's accusing her of the same.

I can SOOOO see now how my gay relationship totally destroyed this marriage, can't you?

TN has 33% More Gay Couples

2006-10-21T15:02:00.000-07:00

According to a new study, Tennessee has seen a 33% increase in gay couples since 2000.

The Williams Institute on Sexual Orientation Law and Public Policy at the UCLA School of Law found the number of same-sex couples in the United States increased more than 30 percent between 2000 and 2005. The national population, by comparison, increased 6 percent in that period.

According to the study released earlier this month, 13,570 same-sex couples were living in Tennessee in 2005, a 33 percent increase over 10,189 same-sex couples in 2000.

Approximately 2,033 of those couples were living in Nashville-Davidson County, including domestic partners Ben Papa and Brad Bullock.

"My initial reaction is that there are more people admitting to being gay and living as a couples," Papa said. "I do agree, though, that society is slowly becoming more open."

Same-sex couples increased by more than 30 percent in six of the eight states that have proposed constitutional amendments banning same-sex marriage this November.
"It appears that one of the consequences of the referendums is that instead of gays and lesbians feeling less willing to be open, our data suggests the reverse," Gates said.

One of our dimwitted state Senators, David Fowler, R (of course)-Signal Mountain, who has given up his senatorial seat to head the nonprofit organization Family Action Council of Tennessee, an advocacy group that supports the proposed constitutional ban on same-sex marriage, claims

He said he had not seen a marked increase in same-sex couples in his district and did not expect the new data to influence voters' decision.

"I think the beliefs of the vast majority of Tennesseans are strongly held and years in the making," Fowler said. "I just don't see it changing their opinion."

I doubt there is a plethora of gay couples living openly around Signal Mountain anyway. How can he make such an idiotic statement? Oh, wait, he's a fundie that's how!

Do you think these amendments have caused more people to come out? Have you been more outspoken since these amendments have started popping up?

Cross-posted on Pam's House Blend.

Another Actor Comes Out

2006-10-21T14:52:00.000-07:00

'Grey's Anatomy' star T.R. Knight Comes Out

"I guess there have been a few questions about my sexuality, and I'd like to quiet any unnecessary rumors that may be out there," Knight's statement read. "While I prefer to keep my personal life private, I hope the fact that I'm gay isn't the most interesting part of me."

Guess that's that damn liberal Hollywood again!

Early Voting Problems in TN

2006-10-21T14:38:00.000-07:00

Our local organization Vote No on 1, which has been working on defeating our state anti-gay amendment, have been receiving reports that voters are being misled about Amendment 1 to our state Constitution. Evidently, a voter in one county was told that he should vote no if he wanted "two men or three women to be able to marry."

Vote No has been in contact with our Division of Elections and been assured that the counties have been notified that poll workers are not to discuss the amendment with voters, and if anyone has questions, they are not to summarize it but simply tell the voter to read the amendment.

Could these actions be considered voter tampering? I think so. What do you think?

Cross-posted on Pam's House Blend.

Who Says Gays Can't Procreate?!

2006-10-21T14:31:00.000-07:00

Melissa Etheridge and her partner, Tammy Lynn Michaels, obviously can. They are parents of new twins, a boy named Miller Steven and a girl named Johnnie Rose. Is it just me or do those names sure set those kids up to be rock stars? Coincidence? Melissa previously had two children, Bailey Jean and Beckett, with her then partner Julie Cypher.

Congratulations to Melissa and Tammy!

Cross-posted at Pam's House Blend.

Truth about the TN Marriage Amendment

2006-10-16T10:12:00.000-07:00

This is a story that should make anyone on the fence on this amendment think twice. For those who are on our side, you should feel as sick and disgusted by this as I do.

Our local paper The Tennessean ran an opinion article by Rev. Jerry Sutton of Two Rivers Baptist Church. This is the same church that hosted the Justice Sunday events and will be hosting Dobson's anti-gay rally tonight (Stand for the Family). Of course, being who Rev. Sutton is his editorial was scathing of our relationships.

Our paper allows comments online to the articles and one gentleman retold a touching story. He's 72 years old and had a partner for 30 years. They had had good relations with their families. However, when his partner died, the partner's family came in and took all of their possessions and took this man to court to get the property they jointly owned. He and his partner had done all of the legal paperwork they could to try to protect themselves and their property. Unfortunately, he spent $300K on legal fees and court costs to try and get their possessions and property back. He won the battle for the property but never got their possessions back. He even had to get a court order just so the police would listen to him.

The story many that oppose us tell is that we can get the legal protections we need through a lawyer and that as long as we do that we don't need to get married. As the story above clearly states, this is a bald-faced lie. I've asked several lawyers this question and all say that we can't have any guarantee no matter how much legal paperwork we do. Marriage is the only sure way we are guaranteed to be recognized as "next of kin" and rightful inheritor of our jointly owned property.

If it was this hard before the amendment, imagine how hard it will be AFTER!

The public has been lied to and duped. The allegations of our opposition are FALSE. These amendments are not just about placing us in a second-class status but a NO CLASS status! They don't leave doors open for civil unions or domestic partnerships, but are intended to block recognition of anything that provides similar benefits and privileges of marriage. That includes legal documents. Do not be fooled!

Fortunately, there is a great grassroots movement started here in TN for support of our relationships. I'm pleased to report that even The Tennessean came out in opposition to the anti-gay amendment. In time, these discriminatory amendments will be undone, just like we've undone discrimination in the past. It'll be a long road until then, but let's do our part to make sure we're on the right side of the street. Vote NO!!!

Cross-posted at Pam's House Blend.

Happy National Coming Out Day!

2006-10-11T10:21:00.000-07:00

Today, Oct. 11, is National Coming Out Day.

Coming out is, for some people, a very scary process, especially if you are coming out to family or friends. For someone to come out to another person as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered (heck, even unknown!), it takes a lot of courage. However, for us to be honest with those we say we care about, it's a necessary step.

Think for a moment, how many times a day do you have an opportunity to talk about your life and those in it? How many times have you been asked, are you married, what did you do this weekend, are you dating anyone? How many times have you filled out a form and seen the options, married, single, or divorced? I've never seen "none of the above," have you? There's probably at least one instance every day that we have an opportunity to mention something personal about ourselves. Could you imagine not talking about your boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband in everyday conversation? Try it sometime. Try to deliberately not speak of anything that would let someone know you are straight. That's what it feels like for us.

Being gay and not coming out to those we love is hard. We're scared you guys won't love us anymore or might judge us. If someone tells you they're gay, they've just taken a huge step in trusting you and they're being honest so they won't have to put anymore walls up. For someone to tell you they are gay is a badge of honor. It means you are a good enough person and important enough to us that we want to be open and trust you with something so personal and vital to our being that we can no longer keep it a secret.

As our ally, all we ask is that you honor the trust we've placed in you. That you "come out," as well, as our ally. That you speak openly and honestly about having gay family, friends, and/or coworkers. If you don't know something, ask. If you're unsure about something, ask. We need you. We love you. And we're thankful to have you in our corner.

The Short Discussion on Mark Foley

2006-10-09T16:37:00.000-07:00

With all of the hoopla about Mark Foley (is he gay/isn't he? is he a pedophile/isn't he? did the pages trap him or not? yada yada yada), the short discussion of this issue is HE WAS WRONG!!!

It doesn't matter if the pages were under 18 or not. It doesn't matter if he's gay or not. It doesn't matter if the pages were trying to trap him or provoke him or not.

In this situation, Mark Foley was the adult. He had the privilege of power over young men. HE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER!!!

So what if the pages egged him on? He's still the adult and should have kept a professional distance from anyone under 18.

I used to be a teacher and I had more than one female student hit on me. No matter what though I ALWAYS, ALWAYS remembered that I WAS THE ADULT and I knew which lines were never crossed. I honestly don't understand or comprehend what 30, 40, 50 year olds see in teenagers.

It's a stupid discussion, and Mark Foley is simply wrong. He needs to go. Those who covered for him need to go. If a politician can hide, lie, and cover like that, what else are they hiding?

Our Place with God

2006-09-30T07:26:00.000-07:00

I was fortunate enough to be involved in a wonderful discussion at Rev. Dr. Jerry Maneker's site A Christian Voice For Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Rights with him and Stuffed Animal, of the wonderful blog Christ, The Gay Martyr, about the GLBT place in our understanding of God and who we are as Christians.

In my heart, I've always believed there was a special place in God's heart for GLBT folks. I don't think we were a mistake or apparition and especially not an abomination. We're here and we are an obvious part of the cycle of life that God intended since our genetics have continued throughout time in new generations.

What is our purpose and why are we here? Have you ever gotten that feeling that you were meant to do great things and that there was a greater purpose? I have and maybe, just maybe, the Gnostic writings that Stuffed Animal introduces to us is a hint of who and why we are. We'll never completely understand, but for those after God's own heart, shouldn't we try?

As our society continues to fight against and grapple with GLBT rights, it's important that our allies, family, friends, and our own community seek a deeper understanding of our place so we can fight the evil invading this world in the name of God.

The full discussion is here and below are a few snippets of the discussion.

It's fairly long but worth the read. The concepts of "essential orientation" vs. sexual behavior, the role of GLBTs in the faith, and androgyny and its impact on "reaction formation" in society should be discussed much more.

Dr. Maneker: I think one of the main reasons, if not the main reason for anti-Gay discrimination, is that the androgynous nature of Lesbians and Gay men just highlight, bring to consciousness, the androgynous nature of virtually everyone! That's the fear of those who are particularly sexually insecure; that's what they seek to deny to themselves and to others; hence, the hostility, and even the rage, directed against Gay people. We can never underestimate the role of what Freud called, "Reaction Formation," which occurs when a person feels an urge to do or say something and then actually does or says something that is effectively the opposite of what they really want." ...I'm still not convinced that Gay people have more of an androgynous nature than do Straight people. I think the crux of the matter is that Gay people make or seem to make that androgynous nature much more palpable and obvious to people; the ones who are the most uncomfortable with their androgynous natures, who insist they are "straight," are the ones who are the most threatened and lash out in any way they can to both remove the "threat" and to convince themselves that, after all, they are "real men," and "real women."

"Our souls are part of the eternal battle between good and evil." That's all true, except that NOTHING and NO ONE can separate us from the love of God! One of my favorite verses of Scripture is: "All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out." (John 6:37) That's what makes the fundamentalists and biblical literalists so dangerous. Not only do they preach a false gospel, but they seek to put people in bondage and characterize Christianity as a harsh, legalistic, judgmental "religion," that has the effect of scarring others, particularly children, for life so that they either become little "stepford children" or rebel (the healthier alternative) and never set foot in those kind of churches again. Some, unfortunately, are lost to the Church forever, though not to God! God knows His own children and He will NEVER let us go!

Stuffed Animal: There's support in Gnostic scripture for what you say, Jerry. In the Secret Book of John, the Savior teaches about the destiny of LGBT souls. There are three paths for them: Those who know themselves and remain true to their nature will be taken up into Heaven. Those who do not know themselves and behave contrary to their nature will be reincarnated, paired in life with another androgynous soul and (hopefully)awakened to the truth in that way. Those who know themselves but willfully defy their true natures will descend to Satan's realm where the angel Tartarouchos awaits!

This teaching, of course, applies only to eunuchs and virgins, and it doesn't mean that people who lack androgyny aren't eligible for salvation. All souls are eligible, and those that rise from the dead will be androgynous (Luke 20). I have no idea how large a segment of humanity is androgynous, Jerry, but I do know that far more androgynous human beings exist than would be willing to acknowledge it. That's why it's impossible to estimate how many Gay people there are in the world. That's also why some of the most vicious enemies of Gay people are themselves Gay!

Stuffed Animal: That reminds me of another question I wanted to ask you. Do you believe that human sexual orientation is fluid? We've both heard people claim that they were Gay and then became Straight. I've personally heard a man say he was Straight until he became Gay by falling in love with a man. I've also encountered a blogger who claimed to be Lesbian although she wasn't attracted to women and prefers having sex with men! A co-worker of mine strongly believes true bisexuality doesn't exist; I disagree, although I must say, most bisexual folk I know about seem to take their heterosexual relationships far more seriously. I agree with him, though, that sexual orientation is NOT fluid; it's the same at birth as it is at death, and it doesn't change during one's lifetime based on who one sleeps with. What's your take?

Dr. Maneker: What I'm suggesting is that sexuality is multifaceted and it's in that multidimensional matrix that sexual orientation is frequently malleable to the point that some radical lesbians in the 1960's, for example, fell in love and married men a couple of decades later.

It's that very multidimensionality and malleability that helps create so much homophobia! That's where the Reaction Formation comes in. And that's why there is so much venom directed against Gay people, because of the interaction among one's neurobiology (that is by no means necessarily fixed at any one point in one's life regarding sexuality) and one's environment.

Stuffed Animal: I believe there's a difference between sexual activity and sexual orientation. I also believe sexual orientation isn't truly sexual orientation, but an expression of gender identity. Lots of people have discovered that orgasm can be achieved regardless of the genitalia of your partner. When I read about the sexual practices of ancient Greece and Rome, I think a lot of people knew as much in antiquity. You can never draw conclusions about someone's sexual orientation just by looking at their behavior...Deep inside, people know which gender they prefer to mate with, and by mating, I don't mean who they want to knock boots with. I mean who they'd be willing to settle down with. There are bisexual folk out there who claim to be Gay but who know in their hearts they'd never form a life partnership with someone of the same gender. "Questioning" doesn't mean orientation isn't fixed. It just means the questioning person doesn't know where it's fixed! She learns with time. I don't know what it feels like to question, and I'm thankful for that. I suspect it would be an excruciating thing to go through!

Lesbians and Gay men go through the process that Jesus Christ described in the book of Thomas, that process of awakening and realization, knowing yourself to be different. The difference involves much more than sexuality, and it's hard to explain to someone who hasn't felt it. You may be surprised to know that the first time I was touched by another man, I was repulsed. The second time, too! I didn't want anything to do with those men. Yet, both times I knew the touch of another man was natural to me, and the second time I experienced the awakening.

Sexual desire is superficial emotion that gets accorded far too much importance. I'm as convinced that homosexuality isn't its own entity as I am convinced that male doesn't attract female. Homosexuality is merely the expression of an entity: Androgynous nature. It's not the only expression, either! Androgynous gender affects more than sexuality. It also affects perception and inclination and other things I can't explain.

Me: Could environmental availability be the reason for certain sexual behaviors? As we know, sex is a perfectly natural desire, behavior, and human need. Sex makes us feel connected not just to another human being, but to the larger universe around us. Therefore, it's a necessary part of our nature as humans. Would or should that be expected to change in environmentally stringent situations?

My partner and I talk about this from time to time but she's asked me if I would feel differently about her, love her any less or find her less attractive if she had a sex change operation? At first, I think it would have been hard for me to imagine such a thing. I just can't imagine her as a man, but I also know that my love for her is about much more than her body parts. I love her soul, her mind, her personality, and even her idiosyncrancies (excuse my spelling!).

Another proposition: what if I was stuck on an island with no women around, just a man, would I have sex with him? Yeah, probably. That would be purely about "environmental availability." The man would be my only option for engaging in the natural behavior of sex. However, it wouldn't be performed out of love but a purely primal desire for satisfaction. I would certainly prefer a woman that I could possibly emotionally bond to.

Dr. Maneker: Callie: I think you touched the crux of the differences between "identity" and "essence" that has been a good deal of the focus of this discussion. My contention is that changes in neurobiology and/or environment can seemingly change sexual orientation; Stuffed Animal (and I hope I'm doing his argument justice, here) thinks that sexual orientation is fixed at birth and he/she will die with that sexual orientation, even if he/she is unaware of his/her sexual orientation, due to assorted factors.

From what you suggest, we may both be correct. "Self-identification" may be a function of behavior, belief, attitude, environment, etc. "Essence" is the result of what is immutably innate, independent of the realization of the person. Unfortunately, as you say, "It's a fascinating discussion and probably one we won't be finding any conclusive answers to anytime soon."

Me: Exactly! For instance, in that "stranded on an island" scenario, I might self-identify or simply be inferred as heterosexual; however, my essence, whether I know it or not, would be homosexual.

Having sex, a purely physical act, with a man doesn't necessarily make my straight. My spiritual and emotional orientation would still be towards women, but it wouldn't be what is available at the moment.

Stuffed Animal: It's the concept of the importance of self-knowledge that comes up so often in the Gnostic Gospels. The texts say that some of us will recognize the fullness (androgyny) within ourselves, and others of us will be in denial about it. This certainly describes how Gay people experience sexual orientation.

Jerry, you asked me yesterday about the lineage of Lesbians and Gay men. I didn't answer immediately because I was trying to think of a good way to summarize what I've been reading. Let me put it in purely clinical terms: The Secret Book of John indicates that there's a recessive gene passed from generation to generation through sperm that, when joined to a certain kind of ovum, produces an LGBT child. This genetic code first appeared in Seth, the first son of Adam (Gnostic scripture claims that neither Cain nor Able were fathered by Adam). Therefore, in theory, all LGBT people can trace their ancestry to Seth. The Gnostics referred to Lesbians and Gay men as "the unshakeable generation," "the priestly order," "free men" (Gay man), "virgins" (Lesbians) and "attendants of the Holy Wedding Chamber" (the etymological meaning of the word "eunuchs"). Beings who possess the fullness (homosexual people) are thought to defile themselves by sexual contact with those who lack the fullness (heterosexual people). For that reason, we are lacking heterosexual desire. The texts indicate this is according to God's will.

Reclaiming the Gospel

2006-09-25T09:57:00.000-07:00

In this interview with the Rev. Dr. Jerry Maneker, Professor Emeritus of Sociology at California State University, Chico, the gauntlet is laid bare for all of those who call themselves Christian.

The time to speak up is NOW! The time to reclaim the truth of the Gospel is NOW!

All decent people, particularly Christians, must confront the perversion of the only Gospel to be found in Christianity: the Gospel of grace (God's unmerited favor to us), faith (trusting God over and above seen circumstances), love, peace, reconciliation, and inclusiveness. There is no other Gospel in Christianity! We must fight against the false gospel of legalism, perfectionism, and exclusion that is promulgated by the modern day Pharisees in our midst who are attempting to hijack the terms "conservative" and "evangelical," just as they are trying to hijack the term "Christianity" itself.
...
If we don't confront them, we are culpable in their sins! ("Illegal immigrants," or another vulnerable minority group is now waiting in the wings for the haters' full venom to be expressed when they don't perceive there to be as much mileage to be gained by condemning and oppressing LGBT people as they thought.) It is important to remember, as I've written before, every single drop of blood shed by LGBT people, either through suicide, bashing, and/or murder is on the hands of homophobic clergy and their followers, and this message must be hammered home as loudly and as often, in as many venues as possible, for Christianity to have the credibility that it deserves.
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And it's high time that that fact was recognized and proclaimed as loudly and as vociferously as possibe, both for the well-being of God's LGBT children, for the well-being of other vulnerable people and minority groups, and for the well-being of Christianity itself!